#blessed

it seems appropriate, particularly in November, to say that I’m more keenly aware of how fortunate I am these days. everyone knows I’m certainly not mature in a thousand other ways (I complain too much and I can be a total and complete wretch sometimes), but I do think that I have more perspective now, that I simply did not have before. whether it’s life or age, or a mixture of both, it has been such a welcome lesson in my world. that even on my shittiest days it’s somewhere tucked in there and I can usually bring it to the forefront, “Becca, you really are so fortunate.”  it’s a game-changer.

so, I’ve been sitting here trying to write this post for a while. I think about things like this often, so I struggled for a bit with how to share what I’m feeling without sounding like I’m all-knowing and righteous (like I can sometimes do). and it’s hard to put “let’s be weird” in an eloquent way, but here it is: all I want is to be a safe place for the people I love. I want them to know that I will always love them just the way they are, just as I know they love and accept me. quite simply: be who you are, be that person loudly. I’m weird, you’re weird…let’s be weird together.

this past weekend I spent a fun night out with some of my favorite people, and I’ve thought so much about the idea of friendship and how it has changed for me over the years. I find it so interesting to look back and remember the kind of friends I gravitated towards, and how that has shifted over time. at different stages I required different things. but no matter what the circumstances, I was always of the mindset that if I made you a person in my life, I was going all in and you would get 100%, which always meant that I never had more than a few really close friends, because hello exhausting.

one time Ben and I had a conversation about friendship and it was very apparent that our views differed on the idea. he calls everyone a friend, and at first I couldn’t comprehend how you can call someone a friend that you haven’t seen for 10 years. or someone who you talk to every five years. but as I grow to understand Ben more and more every day, I understand why he still calls these people his friends, and it’s not just because he has so much good to give everyone, or that he’s so likable and easygoing (two things that I have to remind myself to be a lot of the time). it’s because he’s had more years to understand that in order for someone to be a friend, you just have to be real with each other.

seriously. that’s all you need. I want to be able to be myself. my sometimes (a lot) neurotic, always chatty, incredibly emotional, occasionally moody, weird self. and I want the people I call my closest friends to be able to feel like they can be exactly who they are too, all the time.

for the most part I’ve had the same people around for a long time, and although I do love meeting new friends, at this stage in my life I’m really enjoying getting to know the people already here in new ways as we get older together. this isn’t to say that I haven’t always wanted “real” in my friendships, but I think as I have experienced more and more in life, parts of this outer shell I’ve put up (without even realizing it was there…) have come down. and you know what? as scary as it is to be you, 100% you, it feels good to let people see that person and let them into who you truly are. and in return, you allow your friends to be on that same level, and what you get is a whole bunch of really awesome real-ness. are you still with me?

I just want to cut the bullshit out of life and get right down to it. here’s a story to put this into perspective. when Ben and I were cleaning his old place, and packing to move into our new place, I remember that weekend being a defining moment in our relationship for me (Ben probably doesn’t remember that weekend. wink smiley.), not just because we were going to move into a place that was going to be both of ours, but because it was the first time I realized I could just be me. that isn’t to say I hadn’t been myself around him, but it felt different. it felt right.  and as I wiped down the blinds in the bedroom, I have never felt so sure about something in my entire life.

and fortunately for me, Ben embraces my weird, or deals with it…whichever. he may “give me a hard time” for barely making it to 10pm every night, and I often feel bad that he has to put up with my dramatics more than anyone else, but I’ve never felt more me. so insert the overused, misquoted line about finding weirdness compatible with ours and calling it love here, because that’s how I feel about it.

anyway, the point of this post is that we don’t need to see people or talk to them every day to care about them. we just have to be real (and maybe a little weird) with each other and know that we have enough in us to care more about everyone and everything.

yesterday I almost cried twice at work (shocking, I know). once because I was so happy thinking about waking up on Thanksgiving morning and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with Ben and Lucy (I’m sure they’re just as excited), and the second time was because I became overwhelmed by this desire to give to people less fortunate than me. people who maybe have never had the opportunity to wake up in a cozy bed the morning of a holiday and watch a parade with their loved ones.

do I think we should care about everyone and everything more throughout the entire year? duh. but are the holidays a good time to remind us how fortunate we are and to put things into perspective? absolutely. maybe make traditions that include watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and donating to a local food bank. spend time with loved ones and send positive vibes to those that are not as fortunate. just do what you can and let your gratitude flow freely.

be thankful, be yourself, and be weird.

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let’s talk…or not.

let’s talk about how I cannot stay out of the holiday corner at Target. I cannot wait to decorate our home for Christmas, but it won’t happen until Thanksgiving weekend because each holiday deserves its time (side-eye Thanksgiving). anyway, we don’t have a ton of space in our living room, so our tree, and maybe some garland (and stockings) down our stairwell, is about all that we’ll do. oh, and maybe I (we) can get adventurous and put some lights up in the bushes out front because our neighbors did and I’m a little competitive. or something. you can expect pictures.

let’s talk about how I need everyone to catch up to my grandma-like ways and go to bed at 10 pm. Jennie came to visit this past weekend, and even though we had plans to get a fishbowl Saturday night, I crawled into bed at 9:30 and had zero regrets. I’m probably an eighty-something at heart. peace out, twenty-somethings. catch you all in 20 years.

let’s talk about how Ben is meeting two of my very favorite people for the first time this weekend (!!!), and I haven’t been this excited since the new season of The Mindy Project aired.

let’s not talk about how (in order for the above to happen) I will be spending too many hours outside Saturday afternoon shivering at a football game. seeing that the weather gods did not hear my pleas about holding off on snow until after Thanksgiving, I have low expectations about having a pleasant weather experience this weekend.

let’s not talk about how I haven’t hung clothes up in two weeks and I keep pulling outfits from the floor of my closet. let’s also not talk about how the only thing I want to do is create a capsule wardrobe, but the mere thought of it skyrockets my anxiety. so much so that Ben suggested waiting until next year to attempt it because it was physically stressing me out.

let’s talk…and not talk about how I am currently making a roasted red pepper tomato gouda bisque for dinner tonight because it tastes like grilled cheese and tomato soup in one amazing bowl, but that I epically failed in checking to make sure the lid to the blender was on tight. as a result of my rookie move, I just spent too long wiping up tomatoes from every surface in the kitchen, and I am anxiously waiting for Ben to get home so he can baby my burns.

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just kidding. sort of.

at least I have a new episode of The Mindy Project to watch tonight. and whiskey.

whatchu know bout me

being SUPER original here.

or self-indulgent.
or narcissistic.
or unimaginative.

or maybe all of the above.

but I love reading about other people, so I assume people love to read about me, too. also, these type of posts are always the funniest to go back and read years later.

24 things about me, because I’m 24.

1. my favorite color is (still) gray. but lately I have gravitated towards greige. you’re welcome, world.
2. I am always freezing until I crawl into bed, but once I am in bed my body temperature increases 20 degrees. which means I am a really fun person to sleep with.
3. on that note, I hate socks. I don’t care how warm they are. also, please never wear them in bed with me. I cringe.
4. I have high expectations, usually I try to keep them in check, but it’s probably a lost cause.
5. I am either utterly obsessed or uninterested in things.
6. but one of my favorite sayings is, “I don’t hate it.”
7. I start sentences with conjunctions all. the. time. no apologies.
8. I like to lock doors the second I walk in them. I have also gone through every scenario possible of a murderer breaking into our house and murdering. maybe I am imaginative. or crazy.
9. I want so many puppies.
10. and babies. I vowed to myself a long time ago that I will have cultured children and an awesome family.
11. I am a planner, but not always a doer. it is a beautifully efficient combo.
12. I think with my heart. sometimes my head, but mostly my heart.
13. my fingernails and toenails must always be polished. always.
14. I am emotional. commercials make my cry. seeing a grandpa at the grocery store makes me cry. cute stories make me cry.
15.  I complain a lot. in my head, if Ben’s not home.
16. waking up early is not my favorite. the understatement of my life.
17. my hair texture is the worst. sometimes wavy. sometimes thick. sometimes thin. always coarse. never voluminous.
18. one time (like two days ago) Ben called me the most wasteful person he knows…so…
19. leftovers are hard for me. unless it is pizza or soup.
20. the ends of bread might as well not even exist.
21. I hate having to use up entire bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
22. there will never be enough pillows on our bed.
23. I want to buy and renovate a house sososo badly. I would even pass up being Mindy Kaling’s best friend. that’s how bad.
24. having this blog is like peering into the medicine cabinet of my soul. welcome to the days of our lives.

happy hump day!