whenever I think about our wedding day, which let’s be real is 24/7, it still seems so unreal. during the planning process I kept telling people that if everything somehow came together on September 10, I was going to be super impressed. you guys…I’m more than impressed. the weather gods cooperated, everyone had such fantastic ideas for decor and setup, all of the “extras” that so many generous people provided their time and talent for…the arbor, the signs, the music, the flowers, and the beautiful hair and makeup. it was perfect. it was better than anything I could have dreamt up on Pinterest.
that isn’t to say the day went entirely smoothly… it would not have been my wedding if my dress hadn’t caused some sort of chaos. so in the movies when the bride puts on her dress and the beautiful group of spectators gasp and cry? yeah, didn’t happen. it was more like me trying not to have a complete meltdown or cry about everything that had bothered me for the last week. in case you’re new to this blog, or to my life, I’m a really sensitive person and it was a long, emotional week. that being said, when I get upset, I usually just want Ben. since it was moments before the first look, I knew I had to pull it together and just get through it so that I could see him and know it was going to be okay.
when it was FINALLYYY time to walk down the dock, I experienced such a visceral feeling. I was nervous crying which was weird because I kept telling myself, “it’s just Ben, pull your shit together and don’t get blown into the lake.” the feelings I experienced walking down the dock are some of the craziest I’ve ever experienced—in the best way possible. I get butterflies just thinking about it.
there are a few moments from the wedding that I know I will never forget because even thinking about them now moves me to happy tears:
walking down the dock and seeing Ben standing there, facing the water with his back to me, was so emotionally overwhelming and it all just came out. I couldn’t make a joke, or lighten the moment in any stupid way like I usually try to do. I just walked up to him as quickly as I could without stumbling into the water and cried and mumbled things I don’t remember. things that probably could have been sweeter, like when he turned around and said “wow, you’re beautiful” maybe my first response could have been “you look so handsome” instead of “my (sob) dress (sob).”
when we were taking photos with our wedding party and everyone was standing in the driveway with tall trees as the backdrop filtering the sunlight through branches and leaves—in that moment my heart was the stillest it was all day. it was breathtakingly beautiful. I remember looking at Ben when the wedding party was taking photos without us and saying, “these are our people.” no one missed a beat at inserting witty remarks or making a joke about something. it was so calm and my heart was so happy.
the final moment that I will replay in my mind forever is our first dance. I remember thinking I could have swayed with Ben forever. the first thing Ben did when we got on the dance floor was say, “we did it.” and the four minutes of “Crush” went by so quickly because I kept telling myself to soak up the minutes. to remember what it felt like to dance in front of everyone we love. to remember how it felt to just enjoy each other’s presence in the midst of everything else going on. to remember that it always feels so much better when we’re together.
I know that all good things must come to an end, and after all of the planning, after making too many decisions (some that we didn’t want to make), after trying to align every star…everything that led to the best day ever—all of the good things on our wedding day ended so beautifully and I get to call my best friend my husband.