on Friday we will have officially made it to the sixth month mark in our marriage. and this is what has changed: nothing.
well nothing except for the fact I’ve quit my job so I can be a stay at home dog mom, keep the house clean, and have a warm meal on the table every night when Ben walks in the door from a busy day at work!
jay to the k. although now that I think of it, I actually do all of those things (but still have my job) and regularly complain about the fast cars driving down our street revving their engines…shouldn’t they slow down because there are children in our neighborhood?! so maybe I’m more like a 1950s housewife than I thought.
now if I could just catch on to the 1950s level of cleaning…
above when I said nothing has changed, it’s more that nothing obvious has changed in the first six months of marriage. but everything has changed, continues to change, and will forever change.
sometimes I get caught up in how easy it was to be in a relationship while in school. when there were more hours to spend time together, just the two of us, without worrying about bills or lifeguards not showing up for shifts right when we’ve sat down for dinner. how on mornings without classes we could lay in bed and laugh about all the stupid things we witnessed the night before, instead of getting up to unload the dishwasher and sweep the floor.
I find it incredibly entertaining that I used to talk about how close we were and how well we knew each other, because now it’s funny to think about how much more discovering we have ahead of us. this isn’t to say that we don’t know each other well, sometimes I am convinced Ben knows me better than I know myself. but I don’t think I ever understood the magnitude of what it meant to grow older together.
we have grown up in such beautiful ways during our time together. I don’t pick fights anymore when I’m annoyed, because now Ben just straight up asks why I’m sassy. I don’t nag about every half-filled cold cup of coffee or watered down brandy I find, because it takes me 30 seconds to walk them to the kitchen and dump them out.
so, if Ben ever decides to read my blog, here’s what I would say: thank you for being my family, day in and day out. thank you for laughing with me, for forgiving me when I am wrong and annoying and neurotic, because I know this happens way more than I care to admit. thank you for always being someone I can depend on and trust. and most of all, I love how with every month that passes, our friendship reaches unparalleled levels of comforting.
anyone that knows Ben knows he hardly ever complains that his life is essentially one long string of one tiring work shit after another. sorry I’m not sorry to admit his wife complains approximately a billion times a day about EVERYTHING. but after my relentless unnecessary complaining, there’s always one thing that comforts me endlessly in my relationship with Ben: and it’s that he is always the first to say that it is never too late to start over. it’s never too late to try doing something differently, to come at something from a different angle, to say sorry and go back and learn something new. life gives you a lot of re-dos, it’s up to us to make the change.
there is not a better feeling than baring your soul, uncovering insecurities you didn’t even know existed, and having someone else’s hand reach back out and say, “I get it, and I’m here for you.”
at the end of the day, I’m left with two things: I picked a good man, and if I don’t like what’s happening…I’ve got a re-do.
Ed Sheeran could not have released a new album at a more perfect time: “…I’ll be taking my time, spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.”